I’ve got nothing against the old “fake it till you make it” mantra. But here’s the thing: If you’re going to fake it, at least do it in a way that actually builds you up, not tears you down.
New agents are overwhelmed with advice and information from “experts,” and if they do not find the right mix of information and education, their career might be dead in the water before they get started.
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Here is what new agents need to keep in mind in this intense “look at me” media culture that is the landscape of real estate marketing. I encourage them to work past the fake bravado and into building a brand that lasts.
I’m killing it
The other morning, I was on a Zoom call with a brand-new agent. We talked a little about her business, her questions and the usual. And then I asked her something that should roll right off the tongue of any real estate professional:
“If I were a potential client, why should I hire you?”
She didn’t miss a beat. “Because I’m killing it.”
I just looked at her. “Do you actually believe that?”
She paused. “No.”
And right there, I thought: This. This is the problem.
Welcome to the ‘bro climate’
That’s what I call it: the bro climate.
This has nothing to do with hustle culture. Hustle culture pressures you to keep grinding. Bro climate does something different; it intimidates. Big talk, no grounding. Lots of chest thumping and fist bumping. And almost no real preparation behind the scenes.
It creates this puffed-up standard of confidence that leaves newer agents feeling like they don’t belong if they don’t project the same image.
It’s the idea that if you just say you’re amazing enough times, people will believe you. Except here’s the reality: This same agent couldn’t tell me where to find the forms she needs, let alone how to fill them out.
She didn’t know how to explain those forms to a client. She’d never been shown how to talk through the commission section without her voice tightening up. And she’s not alone.
Bro climate leaves amazing talent behind before they have even had a fair shot.
The training gap we keep ignoring
We’re sending agents into the field without making sure they know how to do the essentials. This is the problem with small boutique shops and extensive franchises; once the license is activated, the agent is out and about trying to find whatever business they can gather.
Here are some of the common weaknesses new agents have:
- How to fill out and explain every form in the transaction
- How to have an honest, confident conversation about commission
- How to present a buyer agency agreement like a professional, not a telemarketer
- How to run a comparative market analysis that’s more than a click-and-guess
- How to handle the physical discomfort of actual client interactions: sweaty palms at the open house, that knot in the stomach before a cold call, the awkward moment of handing a business card to a neighbor
These aren’t “bonus skills.” They’re the job. However, in the bro climate, agents are taught to focus on appearing busy and confident, rather than being prepared.
Why this matters and not just to us
When an agent can’t explain the forms they’re asking a client to sign, trust drops. When they tiptoe around commission, the client’s suspicion rises. When they freeze up at the simplest human interaction, they don’t get the business.
And then, before they’ve even had a fair shot, they’re gone from the industry — another statistic in the turnover rate.
What real preparation looks like
I had an agent once who nailed her value proposition in one line: “I want to give you the experience I didn’t have. That’s why I’m in real estate.”
No hype. No chest-thumping. Just an honest statement that made people lean in.
That’s what we need to teach.
We can:
- Help agents develop a value statement they believe in.
- Train them to talk through every line of every form with clarity and calm.
- Practice the conversations they’d otherwise avoid until they feel natural.
- Teach them how to manage what’s happening inside their body in high-stakes moments: the racing heart, the sweaty palms, the fight-or-flight urge.
Confidence isn’t a filter you slap on Instagram. It’s the byproduct of skill plus practice plus the ability to keep your cool when the pressure’s on.
Time to dismantle the bro climate
I’m not saying “fake it till you make it” needs to go away. I’m all about imperfect action and going for it before you are ready.
I’m saying we need to make sure the “fake it” phase goes hand in hand with teaching agents how to actually do the business of real estate so they can “make it.” Because real estate isn’t a wing-it business; it’s a skill business.
Our clients deserve better. Our agents deserve better. And our industry will only get better when we stop confusing loud confidence with quiet competence.
Birgit Biehl is a business development and applied neuroscience coach for real estate agents. Connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.
